FUNNY REPORT OF AN ACCIDENT

I am writing in response to your request to give you further details on Section 3 of the Report of an accident at work where I completed the question as "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked explicitly detailed explanations about the accident and I hope that the following details will be sufficient for clarifying.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a tall building of 6 floors.

After I 'm done , I realized that I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were weighing about 270 kg.

I thought that rather than carry the bricks down by hand , in several steps , it's better to go down all at once in a barrel by using a pulley installed for this purpose behind the building.

Consequently , I have provided the rope at ground level , I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks . Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks . You may notice in Section 11 of the Report of an accident at work that I have a weight of 72 kg.

Because surprise I had when I was literally ripped from the ground in a completely unexpected way , I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I think there is no need to tell you because of the difference between my weight and the barrel filled with bricks, began a rapid ascent to the roof . Near the 3rd floor, I came across the barrel loaded with bricks that are now rapidly heading towards the ground after contact said I got his head broken collarbone minor scratches and tails, self-esteem and wrinkled .

Because of the impact , my ascent slowed for a few seconds then went quickly to the roof , pausing only when the right-hand fingers were caught in the pulley to the level of the three - the phalanges .

Fortunately, in the meantime, I regained presence of mind and I was able to get hold tightly to the rope in spite of the fact that I started to have pain . Almost simultaneously , the barrel of bricks hit the ground and therefore impact the bottom of the barrel broke. Now, freed from the weight of the bricks , the barrel weighed only 27 kg. In relation to my weight, as you probably already imagine, I began a rapid descent .

In the same vicinity 3rd floor, we met again , the barrel now up ; Following the meeting, I got ankle fracture and multiple cuts and abrasions to feet , and generally throughout the body.

Here my luck began to change significantly. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to easily fall just limit my emphasis injuries. When I fell on the pile of bricks , luckily, I got away with three cracked vertebrae .

Sorry to tell you , as I lay on the pile of bricks, with agonizing pain , unable to move, I again lost my presence of mind and escaped the rope by my hands. As I lay on the back, I could see how empty barrel began the journey down to me, explaining that contact with the two fractures in my feet.

I hope with all my heart that this report answers your questions about the case .

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REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

My dear Parents ,

There are already 6 months to college and I have not written yet . I'm terribly sorry but I promise to make it up this time. But still preseeding to continue to read the letter , I would ask you to sit down. Under no circumstances do not continue to read the letter standing !

Burns me almost completely healed and I dropped slowly and shock that has caused me that I had to jump on the 4th floor . I stayed in the hospital only two weeks already see quite well , and vomiting that occurs only my terrible week.

Because the fire was caused by me, have to pay the university as £ 30 million in damages, but this is all nonsense , considering that I was alive.

My luck was that the man in the block across the street saw what happened and called the ambulance and fire department. He was the one who visited me in the hospital and after that , given that I had no place to stay ( my room was made ash ) was so kind to offer me to stay with him. Has a studio apartment with one room , but we understand very well .

He is twice as old as me , but we love very much ( and often) . We want to get married ! Since we have not decided when , but we want to have the wedding before it's too obvious that I am pregnant . It's true , my parents, I will be a mother soon!

I know I can not wait to be grandparents and I'm sure you will love babies (because they have triplets ) as much as me you loved me when I was little . The only thing that a wedding delay currently infection that affects him, my boyfriend . That's why we're back to the hospital because obviously, I infected myself , but already we feel better because we receive both intravenous antibiotics . Doctors call this disease syphilis or something ...

I know that you will get my husband with open arms and will soon become a true family member. It's a very nice man and , although not finished 8 grades , is very ambitious ! Has another religion like ours , but I know you will not bother tolerant and so the fact that his skin color has little darker than ours. Perhaps you will understand very well that, not least , and because it has an age close to yours , especially as we want to move home ( his studio is a little small for proper three children ) . His parents are some very good people , his father is really one of the most famous African traffickers !

Now that I told you all about, it is time to admit that I did not burn the house , so I have nothing , I was not even a day in the hospital , I have no specific syphilis and black fiance

The truth is that I have failed organic chemistry and math . I just wanted to be conscious of the fact that there are things in this world more lame than that.

Sweet kiss
 your daughter

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SUPPLY AND DEMAND

A young woman from New York wrote a financial site , asking advice on how to find a rich husband : already this one is fun, but the best part is what a guy answered .

SHE:

I am a beautiful girl ( more beautiful ) 28 years. I 'm really smart and class . I want to marry someone who earns minimum half a million dollars a year .

There is this site any man to win both ? Or wives of millionaires who can give me advice on this issue ? I already had relationships with men who earned 200 or 250 000 $ , but this does not allow me to live in Central Park West .

I know a lady who does yoga with me, who married a wealthy banker and lives in Tribeca , it's so beautiful like me and even so intelligent . So I wonder what she did to deserve this and I do not manage ? How can I get to her level ?

HE:

I read your e-mail with interest , I thought deeply about your case and we have developed a package of your situation will make sure you will not waste time as earning $ 500,000 per year. Clarify this, consider the facts in the following way:

What you give , seen from the perspective of a man like that that you are looking for is simply a very bad deal . And this for the following reasons :

Aside from blah,blah,blah, ….. , what you give is a very simple negotiation . You provide your physical beauty,  and I give my money. The proposal is very clear, but there is a small problem. Definitely, your beauty will diminish little by little and one day will vanish , while my bank account is likely to grow gradually.

So, in economic terms you are a depreciation asset suffer while I am an asset that produces dividends. You are not only subject to depreciation , but it is progressive .

Explain better : Your last you 28 years , you are beautiful and will continue to be for the next 5/10 years, but increasingly less. And someday , when you see a picture of your day you will realize that you have become prunes. This means , in terms of the market today are rated, ideal phase to be sold , not bought. Using a Wall Street language who will now have to be put in " trading position" position trade, not "buy and hold" (buy and hold ) , as apparently suggested. So in terms of trade , marriage ( "buy and hold" ) with you is not a good deal in the medium / long term. Instead , rent for a certain period may be even from a socially business wise and we could take into account ... We could have a relationship for a period ...............

Hmm ........... If I think about it and how to make sure you are an intelligent and beautiful class I , potential "client who rents " as a " car " , asking what is right : to make a test drive.

Please set the date and time .

Sincerely,

Your investor .

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THE HITCHHIKER

For a long time I thought that this story is a joke, but soon I found out that it is a fact, pal actually happened in a small town in Mexico.

A guy was doing hitchhiking on a road in a dark night and in the middle of a rain accompanied by strong winds .
Time passed and no car on the road, and the storm made not even see two steps in front of him.
Tired of rain, wet to the skin, almost in despair, the man starts to pray DIVINITY to help him endure and when they are desperate.

Immediately after finishing the prayer in a curve , located in the vicinity, appears a car run with a very low speed and stops in his right. Our guy, without analyzing the situation more, climb in the car.

Get in, sit down , and after closing the door and look for the drive, trying to thank for your kindness to stop, but ........... surprise sees nobody. The car starts to advance at the same speed, almost improbable, during which our guy already terrified, sitting glued to the chair without having the power to remove a word . And not long before the car appears a curve of the street. The guy starts to pray silently to escape life , but exactly when the car enters a curve, a hand appears through the window and rotate the wheel.

Type already paralyzed by fear , can not react and see how every time there is a curve , the hand appears through the window and rotate the wheel.                                                        

When he could no longer bear the tension, makes his courage and salt type of car , running to the nearest town.


Enter the first town meeting and get into a bar, and wet and frightened require two shots of tequila , and started telling terrible experience he went through . All remain in thoughts when they realize the guy crying and was not drunk .

After half an hour, the other two guys enter the bar, and one says to the other :
- Hey , Pepe , here's the moron who got in the car when we push it !


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TAKE THE BIGGEST TITS !

There was once a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So it was decided to give each one 5000 $,  to see how it spends each.

The first of these goes out and wears makeup very expensive. She has new clothes, rigged her hair, has done her manicure, pedicure, and then went to the man and says : "I spent the money to be nice for you because I love you so much".

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a great TV and an electronic combine and gave it to the man. She said : "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third take 5000 $ and invests it in stocks, doubles the amount, returns to the man all 5000 $ and reinvests the rest.

"I have invested rest of the money for our future because I love you so much", she said.

He thought much on how women acted  ... and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits  ...

(Remember: it's just a joke do not take it too hard)

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SISTER-IN-LAW TEMPTATION

I was a very happy person . I had a wonderful girlfriend I dated for more than 1 year , so we decided to get married .
There is one issue that bothered me . Her beautiful younger sister . My future sister-in-law always wears miniskirts (very mini) , and there is no word in her vocabulary bra , let alone in her wardrobe .
Peak was that whenever I was around her always escape something away, and when he bent to lift gave me a sight more than beautiful . It was clear . It made deliberately . For such scenes would have happened if there was anyone else present .
Wedding preparations are in full swing, one day little sister called and asked me to double check something on wedding invitations. I got it good and I told him I was coming in a few minutes.
It was only when I arrived and began to whisper my desires and feelings you have for me. He told me how much I want and would like to make love at least once before I married and give me her sister for life . I was totally shocked and could not say a word .
She said she goes to her bedroom and if you want one last wild "flight" you just need to go to her room . I was like a stone sheepfold , stunned by what I heard , looking after her as climbing stairs .
We sat there a moment , then I came back and I headed out. I opened the door , looking around where I parked my car, when they began a round of applause.
My future wifes whole family was gathered in front of the house and I applaud. With tears in his eyes , my future father-in-law approached me and started a little speech : "No you can not imagine how proud we are of you that you have passed this test cards . Could not find a better man for my daughter if I look around the world. Welcome to our family ! "

MORAL :
ALWAYS keep condoms in the car ...

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THE DANDELION WOMEN

And if you have a life blessing to give nose to nose with another bean in the same cluster and are sharp enough to recognize and interpret signs, we realize that we are dealing with a soul mate: a person inexplicably dear, a left that we are right, sympathy and empathy beyond reason.

Things works in reverse. I do not know what laws they obey, but I'm sure there are souls and the souls of oil water insoluble passive or stormy in their manifestation.

It's my case and the dandelions. I must say that I was hesitant about three minutes at least signed up to find the right name. Why will be addressed in the following.

Dandelion is indefinite as old, but sturdy as I know, I venture the range 30-40 years.

Dandelion is apparent that this singular and boys removed from clothing: insist stupid to wear jogging shoes or trekking to work, has a gym bag on one shoulder and a rag bag in the other, trousers sometimes exuberant red or dull gray other times , thin neoprene jackets.

Now that I think about it, I think it makes sense: every time a train station platform in D. frees, take the rifle to the office. Road, 15 minutes for a normal person, I bet that you do more than 10., And although the responsibility of Germany to be at a certain time sat on the swivel chair staring into the monitor, it is ridiculous posture you go: walks often, pressed crotch, her ass straining the labile DURING every step.

If it sits for a moment the place, maybe he would realize that, in fact, Dandelion has a harmonious body: it is thin but relatively, so as fit, well shaped. And has some hands that seem to know everything!

But suppose that there is a God of Harmony. Because only he could have fit the body of the chip such troubled: her hair is long, straight, brown, untold. No makeup again, but her eyes do not seem to suffer because of it. Are green, amber and defy the world in some eyelids practiced perhaps too much under sunlight. He has a nervous nose, choleric's safe. Shaped mouth with a thin upper lip quite where I read a fiercely studied. Does teeth regularly aligned and chisel buff like. He shows but rarely. When the woman she comes into its own and awaiting the train, toying, perhaps unconsciously, to one of colleagues, he has many.

Honestly? Has something almost frightening at glance. An essence in a world of salamanders was wrapped in her pouch when he made the deal.

It is slippery in its plurality.

I hate that I am disturbing her speed dreaming. On the other hand, the flame subtlety of it makes me stare immeasurably behind the giant green lenses as a dumb kid, fascinated by fire, which stretches hand to grab the flame and to ask reckoning.

Dandelion, it seems to me, has no point, no path, no end. An independent entity.

As an extra relevant in an action movie is interwoven in the universe.

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